Never Fail Again: 13 Ways to Turn Fear and Doubt Into Fuel for Brillance

“Ninety percent of life is just showing up.”

~ Woody Allen

About a year ago I sat down for tea with a friend and mentor of mine, Mary Jaksch, co-founder of A-List Blogging Bootcamps and Good Life Zen.

I was ecstatic.

Thanks to what I had learned (and diligently applied) from her and Leo Baubauta via their friendship and their blogging club, my business had grown by nearly 1,300% in the previous nine months.

I had arranged time to meet with Mary because I wanted to talk about what was next – my big plans for the year to come. This is something I routinely practice with all my models in any space that I’m passionate about improving. Instead of reinventing the wheel, I prefer to seek out the folks that can teach me how to roll the one that already works perfectly well.

As we were chatting ideas and next steps, we got to talking about pitfalls and things to watch out for in the business. I wanted to make sure I didn’t run into any easily-avoidable brick walls…

Then Mary looked over to me and said, “Scott, there is one thing over all others that’s the biggest risk to your online career at your stage. Do you know what it is?”

I was all ears…

“Quitting”, she said with a half smile, half I-mean-business sort of look. 

“I’ve helped develop dozens of really sharp bloggers and entrepreneurs over the past couple years. Folks who had real talent. They could write like rock stars, they could connect, they could think big, they had so much potential. But for one reason or another they decided to stop.”

Here I was hanging on every word as one of my gurus explained to me that the biggest risk that threatened my online success was something I was in complete control of.

How freakin’ awesome is that?

Your biggest risk of failure is giving up.

Do you realize what that means? It means you’re in control. It means you get to decide whether you experience victory or not. It means dreams are miles more attainable than you think. It means that doing work we LOVE can be reality if we want it badly enough.

There are a million and one things that we can’t control. People, random occurrences, circumstances, stock market crashes, the list goes on.

But none of them hold a candle anywhere near the effect your decision to stay in the game has on your success.

The crazy thing is most of us already know this.

So why do so many people still give up on their dreams?

Simply put, it’s f*#/ing scary going after what matters. There’s doubt. There’s people who tell you you can’t do it. People who tell you you’re stupid. People who even try to get you to think you’re stupid. Then you might even start to believe it.

It can be brutal. In fact it always is. In the hundreds of Living Legends I’ve interviewed, hung out with, worked out with and built things with, there is not a single story of their success that did not come out of massive fear, doubt and downright nasty prospects for victory. That life.

The going is going to be tough. The world-changers decide to do it anyway.

I recently read something from Howard Marks that surely resonates with any entrepreneur. It went something like this [paraphrased]:

If you can stay in the game long enough, your odds of success go up dramatically, as many of your competitors will eventually give up or find ways to defeat themselves.

You can’t afford to be your worst enemy.

Another friend, model and huge mentor of mine, Jonathan Fields, just published his latest book, Uncertainty, which dissects this very topic. He deeply interviewed dozens upon dozens of tremendously successful people (in the true sense of the word) to understand what allows some people to charge into fear, doubt and uncertainty head on, and what causes so many others to simply give up. Or worse yet, never try in the first place.

His findings are profound and more than worth the read. The science and psychology behind his work is mind-blowing. He’s also put together some sweet free resources and tests on the book’s website.

Fear is an emotion.

It’s something that can appear in an instant without even knowing where it came from. But it can also disappear just as fast – we just need to know how to handle it.

Here are a few ideas to get you started…

13 Ways to Turn Fear and Doubt Into Fuel for Brillance – How to Never Fail Again

1. Take everything as a lesson. No matter what happens, it always better prepares you for what’s next. With this mindset, ultimate failure is impossible.
2. Find people who have successfully done it before. Find your models and mentors. You’re likely not alone in your quest. Befriend them. Understand what they went through and how to approach the fears that are going to come up. No fear is worse than that of the unknown. Find out what’s coming.
3. Find people who have failed. These guys are much harder to find but even more important to understand. Like Charlie Munger says, “I want to know where I’m going to die so I don’t go there.”
4. Purposely go out and experience failure. Instead of avoiding it, seek it out. Get turned down. Start hearing “no”. Go experience what you’re so scared of. I bet it’s not that bad.
5. Set real expectations. Everything, and I mean everything, takes longer than expected. Take that to heart so it doesn’t hit you too hard when the next delay comes up.
6. Become an absolute expert. Study up. Learn everything you can about your space. Under-preparation is a leading cause of failure. It’s also completely in your control.
7. Understand what you truly stand to gain from your success. If your reasons for accomplishing something are compelling enough, nothing can stop you. Find the right reasons.
8. Realize what you have to lose if you don’t go after what you care about. What will it mean for your health, your family, your excitement or the impact you won’t have on the world? Fear of missing out can be the biggest motivator of all.
9. Understand your worst case scenario. It’s never as bad as you think. Often it’s a lot closer to your current scenario than most people realize. Let your worst case empower you.
10. Collaborate. Don’t work on things all alone. Doubt is too nearby to fend off by yourself. Bring on a partner or teammate. It’s so much easier to build with someone else.
11. Create a support team. A group outside your immediate project. I have a mastermind group for Live Your Legend and another for my investment business, Cumbre Capital. These people have similar businesses & similar goals, they support me, they give me ideas, they keep me accountable, they make lows not quite as deep and highs even higher.
12. Learn to see opportunity. Many of us are hardwired to see what makes a situation brutal. Train yourself to see the positive. With everything that happens to you (good or bad), make a habit of listing all the opportunities it creates. They are always there, I promise. If you end up in your worst case scenario above, what good will come of that?

 13. Don’t Quit. Two words. That’s it.

Uncertainty Creates Dreams

It’s been just over a year since I sat down for tea with Mary. I took her words to heart. Not just at Live Your Legend, but in every part of life – from fitness to friends and even to my marriage. Everything.

Since my meeting with Mary, Live Your Legend has grown by nearly another 1,000%.

It would take more than both hands and both feet to count the number of times I felt like slamming the computer and moving on. Either because things were taking longer than expected, others were going faster, or I just plain screwed things up. Since I decided early on that quitting wasn’t an option, I kept going. And I keep going.

Uncertainty has become a sign that what I’m doing actually matters. 

Uncertainty can lead to fear, anxiety, self-sabotage – even paralysis. Uncertainty can kill dreams. Sadly, it often does.

But, Uncertainty is also the single most consistent factor in those who experience those same dreams.

The dream-livers should not be the rare few.

You are in control of more than you think.

All you have to do is keep going.

*****

Use Uncertainty to Your Advantage

Jonathan Fields’ book, Uncertainty: Turning Fear & Doubt Into Fuel for Brilliance, just hit the shelves last week. His work has been an inspiration since the moment I heard about him years ago. I’m grateful to say he’s since become a friend, mentor and overall awesome model of what it means to truly live your purpose & passion, and help the world as best you can. He defines the term Living Legend.

You can pick the book up in just about any bookstore, online or off. He poured his heart and soul into this project and his book website has some killer free content too.

Also, in honor of his book launch, he put together one of the most inspring 3-minute YouTube Videos I’ve seen in a long time. Check it out. It’s called “Have a little faith.”

Life’s uncertain. Live it anyway.

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6 Ways To Make Sure Fear Isn’t Making Your Choices For You

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Fear is a human emotion that comes pre-downloaded with our software. We are all afraid — with the exception of, say, Liam Neeson (who seems damn near fearless). Fear makes many seemingly innocuous decisions for us, as humans.

The tricky thing about fear is that it can be so elusive, we don’t even perceive it as such. All too often, fear disguises itself as pragmatism. Fear is a skilled ventriloquist capable of reaching up your keister and controlling how you act.

We’re discomforted by the prospect of a burglar breaking into our homes, so we take appropriate measures to prevent that from happening, which results in a sense of practicality.

But, let’s say you want to ask your boss for a raise or start a conversation with someone to whom you’ve never spoken before? Is itpractical to take measures to avoid these potentially discomforting situations? Perhaps not.

But, habit-forming creatures as we are, we can make ourselves believe that avoiding any and all fear is the sensible thing to do.

So, how do you know what’s what? Are you saying “no” because you want to, or is fear working you like a sock puppet?

Learn to observe your mind.

Train yourself to be aware each time you’re faced with a decision. It can be as trivial as choosing a condiment for your sandwich or changing lanes on the highway. We often make these decisions without being fully aware we are doing them.

Can you remember each time you decided to sit down on a chair today? If you can get better at noticing how often you make decisions, you’ll be able to approach them from a distance and with clarity.

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Are you afraid?

Is this decision scary? Are you frightened of what may happen if you decide upon it? If the answer is yes, good! You’ve been able to identify it instead of getting caught up in it. Think of it like you’re labeling a package with the proper packing slip: ‘Okay, there’s fear here.’

Now what? Spend some time with it. Notice what fear does to you. It might give you a headache, make you nauseous or make you upset. And then, put all of those feelings on a shelf somewhere and ask yourself the mother of all questions…

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What do you really want?

You know the answer to this one. You always do. Asking other people, “What do you think I should do?” will almost always fail you. Even if the answer is “I don’t know,” you can eventually arrive at an answer by paying attention to yourself.

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Decide when it’s time to decide.

At a certain point, you’ll need to choose. Should you move to another state? Should you say hello to her? It’s so easy to get caught up in a cycle of “If I do this, then this might happen, but if I do the other thing, then this other – oh wait! What if I do THAT?”

Just as it was important to recognize you were faced with a tough choice, it is equally important to realize when the decision process no longer has value. Overanalyzing is like a hamster wheel from hell. Try to relax.

Sometimes, you’ll have to decline opportunities. You can’t say yes to everything; you cannot please everyone. Some things are not meant to be, and sometimes, it isn’t the right time.

This doesn’t mean you are succumbing to fear. However, there are special moments during which we experience a flux of conflicting and complicated emotions.

Maybe you want something so badly that it terrifies you and you feel paralyzed. Maybe you’re afraid of both options? Here’s a great rule of thumb: If what you desperately want happens to overlap with what you’re afraid of…

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Go for it.

Fear can be a good sign and a bad sign; it just depends where you want to stand as you look at it. If you get good enough at riding fear, it can be exhilaratingly fun, and the only way to get good at it is by saying YES in the blind every now and then. The more attention you give to fear, the more power it has.

The best way to approach anything of which you are fearful is to train yourself to recognize when the noise starts: ‘I’m not good enough to succeed at that. I don’t know how. I’d feel safer if I didn’t.’ Only once you notice fear started talking will you be able to shut it up.

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Accept how it comes to pass.

Give yourself a break. Life can be rude and unapologetic. You’ll almost never go about everything perfectly.

Coping skills take practice and not every decision includes a risk. But, the more you train yourself to accept the outcome, however trivial it may be, the happier you’ll be.

Let go of things and observe casually from a distance, like an astronaut peering down at Earth from her space shuttle.

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Tony Robbins - What they dont teach you about FEAR