Why It Really Is About The Journey, Not The Destination

When I started talking, I simultaneously started singing. It was from that point on that I knew where my life path would lead: I wanted to be a rock star.

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When I could understand Disney movies, I would play pretend and act like a Disney princess everywhere I went. This gave way to my goal of becoming a Hollywood actress. Destiny.

When I learned how to write, I started drafting stories and from then on, I knew that I would become the highest-selling female author of all time. Obviously.

I always had big dreams as a little girl, and although I abandoned them for a few years, they came back full circle in my early 20s. College seemed like the perfect time to make those dreams come true. I started with acting.

The struggle was most definitely real. Chasing your dreams is not all sunshine and unicorns and it is absolutely not the life of a Disney princess. I always imagined that if I wanted something badly enough for long enough, it was bound to happen.

But, at age 26, I am not where I imagined I’d be with my acting, music or writing careers. It has taken a lot for me to not completely throw in the towel.

One day, after feeling really low and questioning my life choices, I had a revelation. I thought that perhaps it’s possible for your dreams to serve you. Not only would this be a way to live out your passions in life, but also, the ride itself could serve as a way to shape the person you are continually becoming.

I first started thinking about every person I have loved and lost along the journey that has become my life. My dreams have essentially allowed me to weed out all of the negative, uncompassionate people whom I once called dear friends.

I am finally at a point where my closest friends are just as motivated as I am. They keep me inspired and ready for whatever comes next.

This was the first part of the revelation. We are often told to surround ourselves with people who exhibit positivity and motivation; those who are ambitious, like us.

But realistically, this is hard to do. Toxic people will continually come in and out of our lives, but by staying focused dedicated to the larger goal, it is easy to ensure their stay won’t be long.

The next part of my epiphany was realizing how many times I have had to pick myself back up. Life, in general, leads us to many “nos” and shut doors.

It leads us to trip, fall and hope to God we can pick ourselves back up, once again. And, we always do. But, every “no” is only one step closer to another “yes.” Every time we get back up, our hearts grow a little stronger.

The last part of my realization of dreams is that they provide us with experiences we never could have imagined, had we given up sooner.

Think about where you were a year ago. No matter what you say, you were absolutely NOT in the same position as you are today. You learned lessons and you met people.

Your experiences that have helped shaped who you are. And, those experiences came from not giving up on a dream.

No matter what your current job is right now, keep in mind that it’s just a stepping-stone to a larger goal. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the everyday that we forget what we were even trying to accomplish in the first place.

But, constantly reminding yourself of how far you’ve come and how strong of a person you are for getting to this point helps.

Trust me, I’ve been in the rut. I’ve called it quits several times before getting back in the game. But, when you realize that the dream is about the people you meet, the things you learn and the character you build, there is a sense of freedom and power that accompanies it.

So, take in every second of it. Your life is happening right now. When you look back another year from now, you will be even further, even stronger and even braver than before.

Whether we like it or not, we will never stop dreaming. So, we might as well enjoy the ride.

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Start Getting Out of Debt Starting in the Next 15 Minutes

Let’s face it.

If you are in debt, you are drowning and need emergency action.
Practically everyone in debt sees all their friends in debt and imagines that it is an unfortunate but acceptable situation.

It is not.

Drowning is not acceptable, and it is far worse then merely ‘unfortunate’.

So, what can you do right now to save yourself?

The very first step you can take is an easy and fun one.

Basically, all you need to do it get one new credit card to replace all your current credit cards. Seems weird, doesn’t it. But soon you will understand.

Here’s step one …

Cut up and destroy your credit cards – all of them. Your general cards, gas cards, department store cards, yes, all of them. You cannot solve the problem until you at least first stop the cause. It’s like attempting to quit smoking while you are still smoking or tying to lose weight while you are still overeating. First, you must stop causing the problem. Second you can begin to cure it.

Once the card is gone, then order a new one. This may seem like strange advise, but pay close attention. This time order a prepaid card. You see, these days, a card is actually mandatory for survival. You cannot rent a car or even get into a hotel bedroom without one. You have a problem that you need one but it is the cause of the problem. So, what do you do? You get a prepaid card. It looks and acts exactly like a credit card. And, you cannot be refused one when you apply. Every single application is accepted.

The only difference is that you must first pre-load the card with your own cash. Then, you spend your own cash using your card. You are never declined because it is your own money. There is no risk whatsoever to the card-issuer. Also, it has the educational advantage that it teaches prudence and record-keeping. With a prepaid card, you cannot overdraw. You cannot go deeper into debt. You cannot worsen your situation. That’s the first step. It doesn’t get you out of debt, but it does stop you getting deeper. Stopping the fall is a crucial first step. The second step begins the process of climbing out of debt.

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When YOU Disappear Your Masterpiece Appears

“Happiness is absorption.” ~T.E. Lawrence

During my years in university, there was a cook that I remember to this day. He worked in the university grill. He was well known amongst the students and staff. For his happiness.

Whether it was 6AM or 6PM, whether it was weekday or weekend, sunshine or hail, he greeted everyone with a boisterous “Good morning. How are you this morning?”

There might have been forty people in the breakfast line and he would greet every single one the same way. Many, including myself, would often wonder how it was that a man could be so joyful. Regardless of the time or the day.

While this was the quality he was most known for, I found another which was even more impressive.

I once snuck into the kitchen to watch him cook. I wanted to see this man in his natural state. What was he like behind the scenes?

As he would make a grilled cheese sandwich, he would place the bread onto the grill as if it were made of glass. He placed two pieces of cheese onto the bread and he took his spatula and he pressed down evenly and gently.

His left hand poured a small bit of oil onto the pan, while his right handled the spatula. He placed the sandwich onto a plate. Precisely in the center. He took a knife and pressed his left palm upon the top of the blade and pressed down, and then after it was cut he flicked his left hand into the air as if it were a show.

But there was no one there to watch. No one that he knew of, that is.

Suddenly one of the servers dropped a plate which fell and shattered about thirty feet from him. He didn’t so much as flinch. His focus remained on the sandwich. On his ultimate creation. All the while, his lips remained pursed in concentration. His sleeves hung loose at the wrist. The entire affair was done with such rhythm, such grace. It was a ballet.

I remain convinced to this day that he did not even hear the plate fall.

I have spent years giving myself to my endeavors. It was difficult in the beginning. Distractions were the order of the day. And the mind was difficult to settle.

But it is much easier now. In fact, I have used this approach not only with work but with my daily existence. And things happen of their own accord. Whether it is playing the piano or writing a discourse, the fingers seem to find their own way. The instincts and the motions come to me rather than from me. And I sit watching the beautiful dance unfold.

This, my friends, is what I have discovered is the secret of making a masterpiece of your craft.

Society, from childhood forward, is taught to do things according to a certain technique. In a certain way. According to a certain methodology.

Superiors judge the individual for how well they follow the methodology. How good the result is. And whether every direction is adhered to. The type of individuals that are created in this manner are not leaders but followers. What is being taught is not creativity, but mimicry.

Is it a wonder that the creative, the elite, in any discipline are so few? It is not that only a subset of human beings harbor creativity. It is that only a subset choose to nurture it.

The world is addicted to the “how to.” And there is no shortage of individuals to indulge them.

Creativity is a profound rebellion. That which comes from a sacred place within you is far superior than that which comes from the world around you.

The secret of work lies not in the comparing of the result against a prevailing standard. The secret of work lies not in following a recipe. The secret of work lies not in the praise that it garners.

The secret of work lies in the state of the human being performing it. The secret of work lies not in mindfulness. But mindlessness.

Mindlessness?

Yes, mindLESSness.

If you examine an event or a time in your life when you created something valuable, a masterpiece of your creation, you will find that time disappeared. During those minutes or hours in which you worked, nothing else in the world existed. You were the only person in the world. And your task was the most important thing in the world.

There was no time. There was no distraction. There was no mind.

And most glorious of all, there was no YOU.

Your hands worked of their own accord. Dancing to a rhythm all their own. Neuronal impulses traveled directly from brain to fingertips, bypassing YOU altogether.

There was no thought of what it might look like. There was no hope of anyone liking it. There was no fear of it being ridiculed. The entire affair was thoughtless, mindless, and egoless. This is how masterpieces are created.

In the end, it is YOU that stands between you and your masterpiece.

When you become lost in what you are doing . . .

When the mind goes away . . .

When YOU disappear . . .

Your masterpiece appears.

Zen man image via Shutterstock

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Never Fail Again: 13 Ways to Turn Fear and Doubt Into Fuel for Brillance

“Ninety percent of life is just showing up.”

~ Woody Allen

About a year ago I sat down for tea with a friend and mentor of mine, Mary Jaksch, co-founder of A-List Blogging Bootcamps and Good Life Zen.

I was ecstatic.

Thanks to what I had learned (and diligently applied) from her and Leo Baubauta via their friendship and their blogging club, my business had grown by nearly 1,300% in the previous nine months.

I had arranged time to meet with Mary because I wanted to talk about what was next – my big plans for the year to come. This is something I routinely practice with all my models in any space that I’m passionate about improving. Instead of reinventing the wheel, I prefer to seek out the folks that can teach me how to roll the one that already works perfectly well.

As we were chatting ideas and next steps, we got to talking about pitfalls and things to watch out for in the business. I wanted to make sure I didn’t run into any easily-avoidable brick walls…

Then Mary looked over to me and said, “Scott, there is one thing over all others that’s the biggest risk to your online career at your stage. Do you know what it is?”

I was all ears…

“Quitting”, she said with a half smile, half I-mean-business sort of look. 

“I’ve helped develop dozens of really sharp bloggers and entrepreneurs over the past couple years. Folks who had real talent. They could write like rock stars, they could connect, they could think big, they had so much potential. But for one reason or another they decided to stop.”

Here I was hanging on every word as one of my gurus explained to me that the biggest risk that threatened my online success was something I was in complete control of.

How freakin’ awesome is that?

Your biggest risk of failure is giving up.

Do you realize what that means? It means you’re in control. It means you get to decide whether you experience victory or not. It means dreams are miles more attainable than you think. It means that doing work we LOVE can be reality if we want it badly enough.

There are a million and one things that we can’t control. People, random occurrences, circumstances, stock market crashes, the list goes on.

But none of them hold a candle anywhere near the effect your decision to stay in the game has on your success.

The crazy thing is most of us already know this.

So why do so many people still give up on their dreams?

Simply put, it’s f*#/ing scary going after what matters. There’s doubt. There’s people who tell you you can’t do it. People who tell you you’re stupid. People who even try to get you to think you’re stupid. Then you might even start to believe it.

It can be brutal. In fact it always is. In the hundreds of Living Legends I’ve interviewed, hung out with, worked out with and built things with, there is not a single story of their success that did not come out of massive fear, doubt and downright nasty prospects for victory. That life.

The going is going to be tough. The world-changers decide to do it anyway.

I recently read something from Howard Marks that surely resonates with any entrepreneur. It went something like this [paraphrased]:

If you can stay in the game long enough, your odds of success go up dramatically, as many of your competitors will eventually give up or find ways to defeat themselves.

You can’t afford to be your worst enemy.

Another friend, model and huge mentor of mine, Jonathan Fields, just published his latest book, Uncertainty, which dissects this very topic. He deeply interviewed dozens upon dozens of tremendously successful people (in the true sense of the word) to understand what allows some people to charge into fear, doubt and uncertainty head on, and what causes so many others to simply give up. Or worse yet, never try in the first place.

His findings are profound and more than worth the read. The science and psychology behind his work is mind-blowing. He’s also put together some sweet free resources and tests on the book’s website.

Fear is an emotion.

It’s something that can appear in an instant without even knowing where it came from. But it can also disappear just as fast – we just need to know how to handle it.

Here are a few ideas to get you started…

13 Ways to Turn Fear and Doubt Into Fuel for Brillance – How to Never Fail Again

1. Take everything as a lesson. No matter what happens, it always better prepares you for what’s next. With this mindset, ultimate failure is impossible.
2. Find people who have successfully done it before. Find your models and mentors. You’re likely not alone in your quest. Befriend them. Understand what they went through and how to approach the fears that are going to come up. No fear is worse than that of the unknown. Find out what’s coming.
3. Find people who have failed. These guys are much harder to find but even more important to understand. Like Charlie Munger says, “I want to know where I’m going to die so I don’t go there.”
4. Purposely go out and experience failure. Instead of avoiding it, seek it out. Get turned down. Start hearing “no”. Go experience what you’re so scared of. I bet it’s not that bad.
5. Set real expectations. Everything, and I mean everything, takes longer than expected. Take that to heart so it doesn’t hit you too hard when the next delay comes up.
6. Become an absolute expert. Study up. Learn everything you can about your space. Under-preparation is a leading cause of failure. It’s also completely in your control.
7. Understand what you truly stand to gain from your success. If your reasons for accomplishing something are compelling enough, nothing can stop you. Find the right reasons.
8. Realize what you have to lose if you don’t go after what you care about. What will it mean for your health, your family, your excitement or the impact you won’t have on the world? Fear of missing out can be the biggest motivator of all.
9. Understand your worst case scenario. It’s never as bad as you think. Often it’s a lot closer to your current scenario than most people realize. Let your worst case empower you.
10. Collaborate. Don’t work on things all alone. Doubt is too nearby to fend off by yourself. Bring on a partner or teammate. It’s so much easier to build with someone else.
11. Create a support team. A group outside your immediate project. I have a mastermind group for Live Your Legend and another for my investment business, Cumbre Capital. These people have similar businesses & similar goals, they support me, they give me ideas, they keep me accountable, they make lows not quite as deep and highs even higher.
12. Learn to see opportunity. Many of us are hardwired to see what makes a situation brutal. Train yourself to see the positive. With everything that happens to you (good or bad), make a habit of listing all the opportunities it creates. They are always there, I promise. If you end up in your worst case scenario above, what good will come of that?

 13. Don’t Quit. Two words. That’s it.

Uncertainty Creates Dreams

It’s been just over a year since I sat down for tea with Mary. I took her words to heart. Not just at Live Your Legend, but in every part of life – from fitness to friends and even to my marriage. Everything.

Since my meeting with Mary, Live Your Legend has grown by nearly another 1,000%.

It would take more than both hands and both feet to count the number of times I felt like slamming the computer and moving on. Either because things were taking longer than expected, others were going faster, or I just plain screwed things up. Since I decided early on that quitting wasn’t an option, I kept going. And I keep going.

Uncertainty has become a sign that what I’m doing actually matters. 

Uncertainty can lead to fear, anxiety, self-sabotage – even paralysis. Uncertainty can kill dreams. Sadly, it often does.

But, Uncertainty is also the single most consistent factor in those who experience those same dreams.

The dream-livers should not be the rare few.

You are in control of more than you think.

All you have to do is keep going.

*****

Use Uncertainty to Your Advantage

Jonathan Fields’ book, Uncertainty: Turning Fear & Doubt Into Fuel for Brilliance, just hit the shelves last week. His work has been an inspiration since the moment I heard about him years ago. I’m grateful to say he’s since become a friend, mentor and overall awesome model of what it means to truly live your purpose & passion, and help the world as best you can. He defines the term Living Legend.

You can pick the book up in just about any bookstore, online or off. He poured his heart and soul into this project and his book website has some killer free content too.

Also, in honor of his book launch, he put together one of the most inspring 3-minute YouTube Videos I’ve seen in a long time. Check it out. It’s called “Have a little faith.”

Life’s uncertain. Live it anyway.

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Procrastination is a Mindfulness Problem

We all procrastinate, and by and large, we all know the solutions to our procrastination.

I put off writing this article (ironically, I know, and yes I know you’ll put off reading this article) by doing a bunch of smaller tasks, for example. They were less important and I knew it, but they were quick tasks and so easier than writing an article on a tough topic.

Honestly, I know the solutions: clarify what task is most important, clear away everything but this more important task, clarify my motivations for this task, break it down into something smaller and easier if I feel difficulty.

These aren’t hard solutions.

But they don’t work unless you’re aware of what you’re doing.

You can’t step back to clarify what your Most Important Tasks are unless you realize you’re procrastinating in the first place. You can’t break a task into small steps unless you realize you’re dreading the task. You can’t clear away distractions unless you realize you’ve been following the urge to go to these distractions.

Awareness is everything with procrastination. The problem isn’t finding solutions to procrastination — it’s being aware of what’s going on in the first place.

Once we know what’s happening, the fixes are (fairly) easy.

The problem isn’t just being aware of what’s going on — it’s remembering to be aware. This remembering is what mindfulness is about. Too often we forget to be aware.

So let’s talk about the awareness of what’s going on when we procrastinate, and then how to remember

Awareness of What’s Going On

So what’s going on when we procrastinate? Try these:

• Following urges to distraction. We get the habitual urge to check email or social media or news. Or we get the urge to go to something easier, more comfortable. The urges can be beat if we are aware they’re happening.
• Dreading hard tasks. Our minds tend to focus on the hard parts of tasks that we’re procrastinating on. Without thinking too much about them, we label these tasks as hard, scary, overwhelming, time-consuming. If we’re aware of this, we can solve each of these problems — hard tasks can be broken into easier ones.
• Fear. Procrastination is often about fear — fear of failure, fear of success, self-doubts. But we don’t often know that this fear is even there — we just act on the fear. Fears, once we’re aware of them, can be beaten by the light of day. When we see fears out in the open, in the light, we can see they’ve been overblown in our minds. The worst-case scenario of failure is often not that bad when we really think about it.
• Not being motivated. Lots of times we forget our motivation for doing a hard task. Why are we putting ourselves through this suffering? It’s way easier to put it off and do other “important” things instead. But when we remind ourselves of our motivation, we can focus. So we have to be aware that our motivation isn’t clear, or that we’ve forgotten what that motivation is in the face of discomfort.
• Not being clear on priorities. What tasks are more important? It’s hard to know when you’re caught up in the flow of things, just doing things left and right, quickly switching between tasks, and so on. Everything seems important. But when we step back and think about what matters most, what will make the most difference in the world and in our lives, we can see what we need to focus on, to make time for. We can’t step back unless we’re aware that we’re getting caught up in less important tasks.
• Compulsively checking things. Often we compulsively check email, social media, blogs, news sites, etc. We have those tabs open all the time and go and check them every few minutes. Why? What need are we fulfilling? Often it’s a need to be up-to-date on everything, a fear that we might miss something. And often it’s just the temporary pleasure of getting something new in our inboxes, of finding something interesting/pleasurable.

These are some of the more common examples of what’s going on when we procrastinate. But how do we become aware? How do we remember to be aware?

How to Remember

The problem with remembering to be aware is that we get caught up in our moment-to-moment actions. Once we open a computer, for example, a series of habitual responses kicks in and we’re suddenly in the deep end. It could be hours before we come up for air and realize we’ve been procrastinating.

So what we need are a set of tools for remembering.

Here are the ones that tend to work for me:

1. Recognition of harm. The first thing you need to admit is that the procrastinating is actually doing bad things to you — if we think it’s not a big problem, we won’t take any of the other steps listed below. So what harm is the procrastination causing? Well, it might be stopping you from achieving your dreams or big goals, from pushing your boundaries and learning new things. It might be causing you anxiety, and making your work suffer.
2. Commitment. Making a commitment to being aware is a great tool for remembering. What kind of commitment? You can write it on a piece of paper and look at it every morning. Or tell someone else about it. Post it on your blog or Twitter. Have someone check on you weekly. Whatever you do, commit as seriously as you can.
3. Setting intentions. As you start an activity, like opening your email or starting to write something, or even opening your computer or starting your day, pause to think about what your intention is with that activity. Make an intention to be mindful and notice your procrastination. Setting intentions doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll actually achieve what you set out to do, but it helps. And it helps you to learn to get better at that with practice.
4. Reminders. Every hour or two, have a reminder that helps you to check in to see if your actions match your intention, to remember to be aware of what’s been going on with your procrastination.
5. Recognize signals. There are signs that you’re procrastinating — anxiety about your tasks, compulsively checking things, a rising urge to go do something other than the present task. These signs might be physical (tightness in your chest, for example) or they might be certain actions (checking email) — but you can learn to recognize them with time. They are flags, waving and telling you that something is going on. Notice the flags, and check in to see what’s going on.

These aren’t things you can master in one day. They take practice, and they take commitment. But if you can solve the mindfulness problem, procrastination becomes a much more manageable beast.

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Motivation Doesn’t Work For Success

Staying motivated is an impossibility.

Motivation wears off. It’s like a shower. You cannot stay clean forever from one shower, you need to keep taking showers every day to stay clean. Similarly, you will need to keep pumping yourself up if you wish to stay motivated. It is an empty pursuit.

Fortunately, I teach my mentored students that there is a goal far more rewarding than being motivated. That loftier goal is to do only what you love. When you do what you love, you are automatically and internally motivated.

Here’s how you do that…

So, the wisdom is not to pretend you like a task you dislike by pumping yourself up with some motivational sayings or audios. Rather, the wisdom is to identify what you love and then focus your career, your income, your learning, your energy on that which you love. When you do, your income will rise sharply and you will never have to pump yourself up with motivation. You will be internally and permanently high.

Personally, I love riding my unicycle. I do not need to get motivated to ride my unicycle; I am wired motivated because I love it. I love teaching. I do not need to get motivated to teach; I come wired ready and eager to teach. I love writing bestselling books to inspire people. I love writing interesting articles. I need to motivational audios to force me to pretend that I like these activities; I really actually do love them.

So, do not seek to simply get motivated; rather, seek to do what you love. Record a goal each month to do more of what you love and less of what you do not love. When you put your creativity in that direction, you will arrive at fascinating answers that will change your life.

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Punch Your Inbox in the Face

Remember when you controlled your inbox? You would receive an email from a newsletter that you actually remember signing up for. Or you might receive that occasional email from the handful of friends who used Hotmail.

The email inbox was a calm and quiet receptacle of welcomed messages, perhaps interrupted only by a beautiful and exhilarating sound. Email was manageable and fun.

Inboxes are no longer manageable nor fun. They are out of control. It's time to punch your inbox in the face. 

A few years ago, Basecamp's Jason Fried asked the perfect question from  the stage at Big Omaha, a conference about entrepreneurship in Omaha, Neb.: "When did our inboxes become a dumping ground for other people's to-do lists?" I recall him saying. He was right. Whether someone works at a big corporation, a small startup or even on family affairs, inboxes have become the place for passing the buck. 

As email became ubiquitous, it turned into a primary form of communication for many, replacing the telephone and face-to-face discussion. What's the major difference between email and the phone or face-to-face communication? It's emotionless.

It's much easier to ask for a favor, reassign a task or place blame via email because there's no emotion. It's not possible to hear someone's voice or look into that person's eyes. 

Let's not take the easy way out.

How do people stop it? Email can be a tsunami, an unstoppable force that people can only hope to survive. And when they do, they strive to reach the hard-to-attain inbox zero.

Related: Achieve a Leaner Inbox With These 3 Fit Tips

1. Setting boundaries

A friend of mine has this message as his auto-responder to all emails in his inbox.

Email Tips:
I check my email every few hours ... be patient.
The shorter your message the quicker I'll respond.

The first time I received this response I felt a bit disrespected and that he was being rude. How does he not have time for my email? Then I realized. This is brilliant. 

Set email boundaries. Do you check email first thing in the morning, at lunch and at the end of the day? Do you work on emails only from 9 a.m. to 11 a.m.? Or do you only check email on Tuesdays and Thursdays? Only you know what would work best for you but boundaries are crucial. 

2. Don't exceed expectations.

I often tell members of my team at my company, Lemonly, to not set false email expectations. Certainly, we want to deliver great service and practice quick communication with clients, but when employees respond to emails at 10:30 p.m. or Sunday afternoons, they just made it acceptable for clients to email at those times. Plus, customers might then expect a response on Sundays going forward.

Some companies have gone as far as banning email before 6 a.m. and after 6 p.m. This eases the email burden on employees and eliminates the pressure of trying to catch up or get ahead. A German car company, Daimler, has installed software that deletes emails for people while they're on vacation or out of the office. Daimler is protecting its team from the email tsunami. Everyone should do the same.

Related: It's All About Nuance. How to Convey and Discern Email Tone.

3. Write better emails.

Maybe you're writing poor emails. Are they too long? Too short? What's the perfect length for an email?

Guy Kawasaki said, "Less than five sentences is often abrupt and rude, more than five sentences wastes time." The author and founder of All-Top said, "Proper email is a balance between politeness and succinctness."

Rethink email writing. Be polite, yet succinct.

4. Let it go.

Stop treating email like the most important thing in life. Don't let your inbox dictate your day. Those little red notification numbers do not dictate your success or failure.

Punch that inbox in the face and get on with your life. 

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